Even in light of our reduced romance lately, I want to keep her emotional libido tank full.  Yesterday in the kitchen after Dawn and I got home, we took a moment and just hugged for about 3 minutes.  That's a long time to just stand in the middle of the kitchen and hug.  It was like a little mini vacation.  I felt great after - it took much of my stress away.  And I know she enjoyed it as well.  We kind of got lost in each other's arms for those three minutes.  It was very romantic and very good for us both emotionally and for our libidos.

I wondered if other couples do this kind of thing.  We do it about twice a day - sometimes for only 30 seconds, but it's nice just the same.  It allows us to connect on a deeper level than just a peck on the lips hello.  It allows her to smell my skin and me to take in the scent of her hair. 

This is a very good way to build that connection with her that:   [Read More]

Talk about romance reduction: I have been working on... let's see... 3 websites, a six week product creation workshop, a new application for internet marketing, and a client's website.  All that along with doing some relationship coaching.  The result is that every night for a few days, Dawn has gone to bed well before I have.  I'm also up an hour erlier each day.  I am getting tired again. 

This is where I need to set some goals, stick to a time-line, make some sacrifices and make sure my wife understands what's going on.  I am happy to say that she supports my endeavors - because I am excited about it and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  So in the mean time, I am still carving out time to do some special romantic things for her - but not to the level that I would normally.  She totally understands.  Man, I appreciate her!   [Read More]

When you have two people living together and sharing everything, you are going to have conflict.  It is unavoidable.  However, conflict degenerating into a knock down drag out fight is completely avoidable.  It is all in how you react.  Not how she reacts - only you.  You cannot control her - you can only control yourself. 

The last time I had a fight with Dawn was when I was mad about her not doing something she always asks me to do.  And when I brought it up, she got defensive and irritated about it.  My "fairness meter" was buzzing like crazy - it's a trigger point with me.

So there I was - mad about an apparent injustice and she was there being mad at ME.  Ugh!  So I'm thinking about tearing into her, yelling, stomping off, etc. etc.   [Read More]

Dawn and I had a wonderful romantic anniversary last week.  It was the anniversary of our first date.  I wanted to do something nice for her and make it unique and special.  So here's what I did (she had no idea what I was up to):

I got off work early and had the children watched by Grandma and Grandpa for the night.  I got four bunches of flowers and cut off the flowers on three of them.  I laid out the flowers from the entry way, down the hall and on the bed (which I had made after I cleaned up the room).  I know what you're thinking: "then he was in the bedroom with candles blah blah blah."  No - I was not even home by the time she arrived.  On the bed I left her a romantic note about the first time I saw her.  It was on a sexy dress I know she likes to wear.  It said to be ready by 6:15, when I would pick her up.

I rang the doorbell at 6:15 and had the remaining bunch of flowers for her.  I picked   [Read More]

Female libido is really sensitive.  This weekend my wife and I were kissing in bed and everything was going well.  However, at one point things changed.  There was a connection that increased her desire from "I am doing this for you because I love you" to "I am doing this because I am so into you I can't stand it anymore and I want you."  Making love to satisfy her husband is good, but her really wanting it is far better.

It was so amazing that the next day, she sent me an IM saying that she could not stop thinking about last night - how she felt a really deep connection and was thinking about me all day.  When I got home, she found ways to get me away from the kids if only for a moment at a time to kiss passionately.  It was amazing.  It was exactly the kind of female libido enhancement that could make millions if it could be put in a bottle.

So what happened?  What made the change?  [Read More]

I'm trying to get back to a more romantic mode after a couple month dry spell.  Why is it so easy to get into a bad habit?  And so hard to break it?  Last week I wrote out a 10 step plan to get back on track with romance and doing special things for and with my wife.  The first item was to get more sleep so I would have the energy I need to focus on her.  Then there was exercising more, taking an hour for just the two of us each night, etc.  Well... bad habits are easy to form and really hard to break.

I am frustrated with myself because although I took the first step of writing down my goals, that is where it ended.  I haven't done anything else on my list.  In just two months we have collectively formed some really bad habits.  [Read More]

The stages of marriage happen to every couple.  They usually happen in the same order.  Some couples have no idea what is in store and they fool themselves into thinking that the tingles and the butterflies will last forever; so when challenges come along, they are unprepared to cope. 

If you know what's coming then you can be mentally ready to stick to it.  Knowing that the stages of marriage you are going through are normal helps stave off divorce. 

Too often people expect their marriage to be different from the rest: "we'd never do that" or "not us - we are SO in love!"  People want the movie marriage with the happy ending.  What they don't see is what happens after the movie ends - so here it is in a nutshell.  The chart below shows relative happiness as it relates to each stage as time passes.   [Read More]

Have you ever asked your wife what makes her feel special?  I did recently.  Just point blank: "Dawn - what makes you feel special?"  I expected to hear about things I could do or get her or say to her.  But her answer surprised me.  It was about the things I do every day for her that I have made part of my routine.  She loves that I make her coffee every day and that I run my fingers through her hair when we watch a show at night.  Of course it is not the same for every woman, but after talking with some married friends about it, I found a common thread: consistency.

If making coffee for your wife makes her feel special, then do it for her consistently.  If you make a cup one day and then stop, how special is that?  If she loves   [Read More]

Want a Great Marriage?  Many men gripe about their marriages.  However: any man can have a great marriage - when he looks to himself for the changes.  That was rather blunt; because it is true.  When you try to change your wife expecting that her changes will make for a great marriage, you only build resentment on both sides.  You build resentment in each of you for two reasons:

1. You cannot change someone else - when you try, they resist and resent you.
2. When you expect her to change and she resists, your expectation is not met and turns to resentment.

Now you have double resentment for all your efforts.  So how on Earth can you make the relationship grow? (not change: grow)   [Read More]

When I mention Christian marriage, I don't want to exclude other faiths or non-faiths.  I am Christian, and I have a great marriage.  However, this does not mean you must be Christian to have a great marriage.  I know several couples in great Christian marriages and several couples in great "non-Christian" marriages.  The reason I consistently use Biblical marriage principals as a basis for a marriage advice and suggestions is it works. 

The non-Christians I know with great marriages unknowingly have many aspects of their marriage in line with Biblical marriage principals.  And it is in large part due to these aspects of their marriages that they are successful.  So - for people of other faiths or agnostics or even atheists reading these posts, please take what you can from it - anyone can learn from  [Read More]

In an article by a self proclaimed "steadily married woman," this "everycouple" wife dreams of divorce.  She describes her husband as not a bad man, but a "moderately bad man" like every other man married to every other woman.  She tells a tale of her hum-drum annoying marriage and all the things that continually disgust her and annoy her about her husband.  She goes further to state that every woman she knows is going through this "Mid-Wife Crisis" - she states:

"...when I say Mid-Wife Crisis, I mean the middle-of-married-life kind...  ...As one girlfriend remarked, it's the age of rage - a period of high irritation that lasts roughly one to two decades. As a colleague e-mailed me, it's the simmering underbelly of resentment, the 600-pound mosquito in the room. At a juncture where we thought we should have unearthed some modicum of certainty, we are turning into the Clash. If I go will there be trouble? If I stay will it be double? Should I stay or should I go?" 

Apparently there are many, many women who feel this way.  Is your wife secretly one of them?   [Read More]